Into the Evil Eye: Leaving It All On the Dance Floor

Sequester is an emotional roller coaster, and I'm a thrill seeker. After my season was done, I needed a detox. So I do what I always do when I'm overwhelmed: I write. Everything written in this blog was just days after my season had ended. That being said, I have nothing but love for my fellow Sequester alumni, and everything in this blog is for historic purposes. It was a chance for me to go through the motions of what happened, why it happened, and how my strategy evolved.

Every reality show fan asks themselves the same question: would I have what it takes to succeed in a game like that? Sequester gave me the opportunity to challenge myself. There are so many facets and layers to each cycle. All the while, I was hyper-aware that I was on a reality show. It might have been in webcam format, but Donavan trying to figure out how to move rooms is just as romantic as Snooki running along the coast trying to find the beach. This first season had all of the necessities: alliances, power players, back stabbings, rivalries, blow-ups, blindsides, and a fluid story line.

Being a contestant on season one pushed myself out to the public to be judged; I've been branded the Sequester Snake. I actively write a blog series titled Big Brother Heroes vs. Villains, which simplifies every season of Big Brother to being good vs. evil. In this game? Clearly, the stage was set for me to be evil. From the moment my I submitted my casting, to pushing myself through semi finals, to my final casting video. But I challenge you as you read this, keep an open mind. One can be branded as evil, but ultimately your actions define your character. Truth be told, I consider myself more of a Sequester antihero. I may not be a saint, but after reading this you might consider getting a drink with me.

I took this experience seriously, and I got a lot out of it. I am proud of my placing, and looking back I can do nothing but smile. My moves were clear. I wasn't fickle. I played a very straight-forward game, and had positioned myself perfectly to win the final vote. The purpose of this blog is to serve as a strategy manuscript.

Hold my hand, I'm going to take you through my game. Cycle-by-cycle. You see, I planned and planned my strategy. Every nuance of my presence had to be calculated. My audition tape really put a target on me. Hell, even I wanted to vote me out. But don't let go of my hand, because it's time to go through the evil eye.


RIP Funny Business alliance
I was so annoyed to be assigned to a room with the two that I was stuck with. On a first-interaction tier list, Clifford and Maria were near the bottom. But when life gives you lemons, right? Establishing the Funny Business alliance gave me the security I needed to hit the ground running in this game. After I found out about how the rooms were split up, I knew which room I wanted to align with: Kim/Natasha/Michael. Why not the others? Numbers.

After Carlos' early exit, I knew Donavan/Mackenzie were a solid twosome. Starting this game out with someone alone makes you pretty much inseparable. How useless to me. The effort it would've taken to drive a wedge between them would've been a waste of my time. One of them had to go. Blake/Ryan/Deb weren't ideal either, because I expected Deb to be leaving first.

Pre-game Deb had painted a target on herself by over-campaigning. You bet your sweet ass that all of us contestants were snooping #Sequester, and we saw what she was doing. She had huge endorsements, a cult following, and had powerhouses with thousands of Twitter followers behind her. Sequester is a game powered by the audience. So any voted-on twist for the game would benefit Deb. We could weaponize her ala Elissa Reilly, but in a game where cycles last barely an hour, the target was pretty clear.

I told Maria and Clifford to vote Blake, when I actually voted Deb out that cycle. Lo and behold, a twist happened, and she had a chance to save herself with a redo. I knew this would be a great opportunity to build rapport with her.

During my open call, I remember that every player ended up voting for the winner. With only eleven players, I expected the same for the actual season. What better time to start working jury votes than night one?

I found Deb and let her know that I wanted to save her. Truth be told, I knew she was a dead woman walking. It was like watching an animal hit by a car, trying with its might to crawl to the side of the road to die with dignity.

With so much paranoia going around the first vote, and everyone being vulnerable, an easy target will always form. People will do what's easy, because there's such a lack of time each cycle. If you're going to make a move, you need to be decisive, quick, and strategic. And most important, repetitive. That way people remember. People are dumb y'all.

Unfortunately for Deb, she didn't have the charisma necessary to rally the votes against Blake. After seeing the fan backlash of Deb's eviction, I knew that I had to change my strategy going into Cycle 2. Social media plays a huge role in this game, and both Deb herself as well as her minions campaigned hard against Blake. Is that unfair for game play? Nope. That's the whole structure of the game: break the fourth wall and let the audience have a play into strategy. I utilized this aspect into my own plans. Instead of being an evil emperor, I had to be the vigilante to take down Blake. Call me Batman.


Me to Blake: "You're a dead man walking."
As soon as this cycle began, I had a solid plan in play: get Blake out. Targeting Blake gave me quite a few luxuries: I would win Deb's favor, it made me predicable to my competitors, and it gave me a chance to change my narrative. The best players in this game are resourceful, having multiple plans going into each cycle. For me, I knew the Blake hate-train was my best strategic move at this time.

Why was I so concerned with winning Deb's vote? I compare Sequester to a mix of Big Brother UK and post-merge Survivor. It has the BBUK element in regards to audience interaction; although they don't personally vote us out, they are involved with the game. I was always aware of the viewers and their role over the course of Sequester. The post-merge Survivor feel? Only one person will have immunity, everyone has a vote, and people instantly are thinking about endgame as soon as Cycle 1 began. At least I was.

Was I concerned about losing Blake's support? Nope. I respect Blake, and I knew he was a strategic thinker. He had played similar ORGs before Sequester, so at the end of the day he would respect game play. He was the perfect rival to pick. He was a formidable force in the game, and almost charmed me to work with him in Cycle 3. I knew that being fickle was a bad trait to viewers and other competitors, so I stuck to my guns and kept Blake as my early-game target.

Why is it important to be predictable to your competitors? Put yourself into our shoes. It's Cycle 2. There are ten people, seven are vulnerable to be voted out (Kim, Mackenzie, and Maria were safe), and no one's a mind reader. Every player knows who they want out, but no one knows who wants them out.

By publicly announcing my campaign against Blake, I gave comfort to others to know that I wasn't targeting them. The blow-back? I have an enemy in Blake now. But in my mind, having a surefire target is always the better strategy, because people know that YOU are not going after THEM, and at the end of the day, everyone's like Sandra from Survivor: as long as it's not me, I don't care who goes.

Changing my narrative early in the game was crucial. My campaign video to get cast painted me as villainous, and as cute as that is, it strikes fear into people. I used my charm and established a relationship with Kim and Michael, which gave me an in to my late-game alliance. I had pitched the idea of my six person alliance, and they were down. Perfect.

Unfortunately, Clifford threw a wild card at me. He flipped and was campaigning to get ME out. Luckily, he also had targeted people I had JUST planted seeds of trust with, so Cliff really pushed us together. The hilarious part about Clifford's betrayal was I was campaigning for him to others, vouching for his character and great qualities of being an ally. All went to crap though, and Clifford fired the first shot. After he and Blake worked their magic, players were referring to me as a "TV villain". A snake. On a personal level, I find that to be hilarious. In a strategic sense, that's painting a huge target on me that I didn't want.

Another layer to Cycle 2 that worked in my favor: the In My Pants twist. I believe viewers voted this punishment on me because I was trying to be a kingpin the first episode. I was the asshole. And I have a BIG reaction to stuff that pisses me off. The In My Pants twist made everyone laugh and love me though, and really painted me in a new light. My competitors shifted their opinion of me as an evil villain to being the poor guy who got the silly twist. Mackenzie and I were able to connect over it, which was huge. In actuality, this really set my new narrative in motion.

When I inevitably failed my task and was pushed to isolation, not only was I embarrassed that I failed it but I was very drunk at this point (whoops). I do remember right before going to isolation, Natasha had told me she was going to go, "fight for me to stay." I knew at that point that my image was changed, and that I had allies. I went into isolation and recapped my strategy. How can I be a villain when there was the Chaotic Evil that is Clifford, who's willing to turn on his allies within one cycle? How can I be the villain, when you have the Lawful Evil Blake who was rallying support to take me down?

I was so satisfied with the way things were going at the end of Cycle 2. I wanted a Blake vs. Ethan showdown, and I got exactly what I wanted. I knew that it was crucial for me to win immunity in Cycle 3, because the bottom of the totem pole was myself, Clifford, and Blake. I happily voted for Blake to leave, but unfortunately Clifford left. What! I still cheered, but Clifford wasn't a threat. He was a loose cannon, and I would've loved to watch him sink some more ships. I was perplexed at how he might've left, so I counted the votes.

No matter how many times I added it up, it made no sense as to why Clifford left that night. Then I considered the twist. It allowed Mackenzie the sole power to evict someone, which she tried to exercise by voting out Maria. Instead, it gave Maria immunity, so there were seven people vulnerable. Blake was the mob-mentality, due to Deb's social media campaign against him. Clifford made himself a target by trying to stir the pot. I made myself a target by openly targeting Blake, which Clifford then supported to get me to leave.

The votes didn't add up, and honestly, I didn't care. At this point, the only information I cared about was the dangling production announcement that I could use to my advantage: they said Mackenzie had the sole power to evict, therefore SHE was the one who betrayed everyone and voted out Clifford. Even though this twist was rescinded, I had a chance to reinstate it as fact.


Challenging Maria was petty, but I never claimed to be a saint.
Audrey announced the Karma twist, where the person voted out would have a chance to challenge someone to win their way back on. Right then and there, I just had a feeling I'd be that person. I was Hoppy McGee last night, and stirred the pot like a grad A asshole. But it was so fun. And in case I was that person, I had to play it just right. It was going to be an easy sell, since I already was a huge target in Cycle 2, and Blake had just won immunity.

I had a couple strategies coming in. I knew I was on the bottom, so I had to scramble for ideas. I had the Mackenzie pocket ace, where I could paint the target on her. I also had another idea: pretend that I was given a coup d'etat power in isolation. Had I truly felt the heat that night, I was going to do what Boogie did so masterfully in Big Brother All Stars. I was going to plant the seed of paranoia, letting people know that I successfully completed the In My Pants challenge which may or may not have given me a special power. This was a bold-faced lie, because I honestly did fail the challenge. I knew that I couldn't plant both the Mackenzie hinky vote seed and coup d'etat seed, so I stuck with the Mackenzie hinky vote story.

Once I had a chance to interact with players, I immediately planted the Mastermind Mackenzie seed. This was the perfect cycle to do it, because I knew that I was pretty much safe due to the twist. I didn't care if players believed it, and they didn't care if they believed it either. All I wanted was players to talk about the possibility of such an occurrence, because it painted Mackenzie in a bad light, which shrunk my target. Since Clifford had just left, it was Maria and myself as a duo. Funny Business was done. She was going to work her agenda, and I had to work mine. She was an easy pick for the duel, not just because she would be an easy win, but by her leaving, I would be a free agent. The perfect candidate for the Room 3 alliance.

I had to juggle a lot in Cycle 3. I wanted to continue my campaign against Blake, but I wanted to build relationships. Although I had just planted a seed a doubt about her, I really worked Mackenzie this round. She and I sat in the room and brainstormed strategy, and I laid it out to her that I was challenging Maria. I also let her know that I was on her side, and wouldn't vote out Maria because Maria would most likely bring Mackenzie to the challenge. How terrifying! Who would want to do a duel to ensure their safety? The more I talked about it with her, the more I wanted to be the gladiator. Maybe it's because I've watched too much Scandal. And maybe I wanted to build trust with Mackenzie.

Targeting Ryan was easy for me this round, because he was a weak target. He was Blake's right hand man. It didn't matter to me who left, either myself or Ryan, because I knew that I was going to be doing the duel no matter what. Ryan and Maria were working together, and I was throwing his girl under the bus. When the revote happened and I was voted out, reality set in. I had to execute the lovable New Jersey girl.

For the players, they would view me as someone who made the easy choice. I had picked the person who literally couldn't start the immunity challenge because she's computer illiterate. For the viewers, oh man, they were going to hate me. Maria, like Deb, had a cult following. I knew it was the right choice though. The image to my competition would be that I had to do what I had to do, and that I was a free vote.

Did I still expect Maria's vote to win the game by voting her out this way? Without a doubt. It was still early on in the game, and by the time finale came around, her grapes wouldn't be as bitter had I snaked her later on. I felt confident that getting Maria out the way I did would be seen as douchey, but strategic. I also was trying to build trust with Mackenzie and Donavan by targeting the one woman Mackenzie had publicly tried to evict from the game. I also had to reiterate my target on Blake by announcing I would've challenged him to the duel if I could've. Would I have challenged Blake to the duel? Probably, because it would've been fun.


The LOC win that secured my spot in the Room 3 alliance.
The cycle that secured my spot in the endgame. I was the underdog; I was voted out and I had just won the duel the night before. Luckily, I won immunity by building a house of cards (coughcough). I opened a bottle of wine to celebrate, because I knew I was making it to the end of the game and had a serious chance to win.

My entire focus was to build a relationship with the Room 3 alliance. I was well-aware how tight they were, and I wanted to ride some coattails. I was the perfect pick for them, because I had loyalties to no one else. I had tried to set up a solid six with these same people two nights ago, so of course they're going to be open to working with me.

I'll never forget when Natasha stupidly announced, "we should be called Room 3 plus E!" Kim quickly fixed that stupid blunder, saying that she didn't like that name because we were a solid FOUR not a solid THREE. Please. I put on my stupid face and laughed along, because I knew I had my golden ticket. That blunder let me know Natasha wasn't that smart. Who would you tell the person on the bottom that they were there?

I was always thinking numbers, so I knew we needed one more. When we were discussing who we wanted to be our fifth, I was down for Donavan. I felt that Mackenzie would never trust me after I stirred up the hinky vote controversy. I hadn't really worked with Donavan at this point, but pre-game I knew that he was exactly like me. I knew he would play the same way, and that he would also enjoy a secure alliance. We locked our four down, with Donavan unofficially vetted as our loose fifth.

At this point, I fully expected Room 3 Plus E to bring me to the final four. My goal was to foster my relationships with Kim and Michael. Kim, like me, is a straight-up, no nonsense player. She'll still lie to you, which is to be expected. But what I liked most about her was she didn't tolerate bullshit. Michael on the other hand was a loyal soldier. He was someone I was trying to emulate. I wanted Kim to think of me as her second loyal soldier, when in actuality Operation Trojan Horse was well under way.

There was no question in my mind that Blake had to leave in Cycle 4. If Blake didn't leave, I was gonna be screwed. If you publicly make an enemy, but then never take them out, what does that make you? Look back to Big Brother 2, where Nicole took her nemesis Will all the way until the Final 2. The jury couldn't respect someone's game who failed their Week 1 promise to target him.

I had made it very clear to Room 3 that if they wanted my trust, they had to prove it by voting Blake out. They agreed. This was also the cycle that Mackenzie was stuck with Blake, so we couldn't communicate at all. This actually was fine to me, because the fact that I had planted that seed against her the night before made her my next target. I couldn't keep around someone I had already wronged. Never keep around any loose ends. You have to cut them immediately.


Who's the goat now though?
Honestly my ideal boot was Ryan. He was leftovers from the Blake rivalry, and was an easy target for me to go after. When Room 3 presented the idea of targeting Mackenzie, I was hesitant. Reality was setting in that I was enabling this alliance power. I felt like Mackenzie could've helped my game still. Although she would never trust me, she would be a worthy adversary against the Room 3 alliance. Ryan was weak, and I felt like he was a huge threat to me. By being so unspoken and such a non-threat, in my mind he was THE GOAT to take to the end. I was building my resume to have a worthy pitch the Final 2, and I felt like he was blocking my path there. I felt the power players would keep Ryan around over me, so therefore he had to go.

I took a step back though. Ryan wasn't an immediate threat, and I couldn't always be the one making demands. So I played the typical boring card of, "I'm down for whatever." I felt like I was still shrinking the target on my back at this point, so taking a backseat position would give me a chance to speak less and listen more. Room 3 was adamant about targeting Mackenzie, so I obliged. I was a bit sad, because I would've loved to flip to Donavan/Mackenzie to take on Room 3, but I knew that by her leaving that would also make Donavan available. I always felt that when it came down to it, Room 3 was going to flip on each other, and I had to make sure I had my wingman Donavan.

Donavan was the perfect wingman. He was a cute, crafty little beezy and I knew we could cause some damage together. When him and I had a moment alone, he was like, "don't you think we're on the bottom of that three?" I confidently told him nope. There's no way. I knew that Room 3 was going to be breaking up before the Final 3. It was apparent that of those three, Kim was the decision maker, Natasha was off to the side, and Michael was loyal to a fault. I always viewed Natasha as my security in our alliance of five, because she wanted to win. How can you win the game unless you make a move?

I continued to foster my relationship with the Room 3 alliance, while Ryan destroyed his. By calling Kim out, he pretty much ensured his spot on the bottom. He was targeting a power player who had immunity as well as a double vote. Sir, are you deft? He shot himself in the foot here. I can understand though by doing that he gave Natasha the heads up that she would have friends to flip on Kim, which really set the story up well for the disaster that was Cycle 6.


Natasha literally ruining her game, but setting me up perfectly.
This cycle? Ominous. Such a sexy ride. Kim and I were informed at the start of the evening that we would have to secretly work together, which was great. What better person to have my back that cycle than the mob boss herself? Turns out though that it wasn't me who needed help. Kim would be the one who was in trouble, all thanks to one dastardly joker. Natasha wanted to make her move.

First things first, I find it comical that Natasha was trying to pull off a blindside when she had the twist that forced her to say the opposite of what she meant. You can't write this crap. When she approached me and let me know that her, myself, Ryan, and Donavan could NOT flip this game around and NOT vote out Kim, I was ecstatic. This was the perfect chance to break up the Room 3 alliance. By targeting Kim though? No way. Even without the twist, I wouldn't want her gone at this point. Kim was someone I wouldn't mind sitting with at the end of this game.

It's no secret that Kim was seen as the head of the Room 3 alliance, with Michael and Natasha as her sideshow characters. This was the image to the viewers. This was the image to the jury. As everyone was systematically voted out by this power alliance, they despised them. They made themselves easy to win against. My biggest threat out of the three was Michael, because not only was he was so damn likable, but him and Kim were locked at the hip. I believe Kim's dream Final 2 would've been herself and Michael, where she would've been able to be like, "why the hell would you vote for Robin to win over Batman?" She was the queen, and I wanted to sit next to the queen. I was the ultimate underdog, and she was the system that voted everyone out.

Back to the Cycle 6 fiasco, I told Natasha we were good. I thought for a moment. I could pocket this, let Natasha make her move, and then work with her at the Final 5. But where does that leave me? Natasha then becomes the person who made the biggest move in the game. Ryan, the best goat of all time, is there to be swept to the Final 3. Natasha then would rally Donavan and Ryan to get me out. Are you kidding me? Gross. The thought of that made me want to vomit, so I went to the queen and snaked out the jester.

Telling Kim that Natasha flipped was so fun for me. Kim was in shock, so I kept repeating that I'm on her side. I wanted to drill it into Kim's head that she had my support when she wanted to strike back at Natasha. The best part of all of this? Michael was in the dark! Natasha INSISTED that Michael be in the dark, and I loved that. There was a point where it was Natasha, Michael, and myself in a room, and I almost snitched out Natasha's plan to Michael. But instead, I watched her give me the look of death while Michael and I re-affirmed that Ryan was leaving that night. Well, I'm glad that I got what I wanted yet again. Checkmate.

Guess what Donavan did right this round? He flipped back to Team Kim with me. Without any verbal confirmation. I knew at that point he was going to be on the same page with me going into the Final 5, which was perfect. I knew that Donavan was slightly annoyed that we didn't blindside Kim, but he kind of had to work with me at this point.  I wasn't part of the three, and I was a hot mess. Why not work with the guy that's pissing people off as they exit the game? On the down low, my hope was that as people exited, their frustration wouldn't be focused on me, but the fact that no one was willing to make a move against the three headed monster. I was already the gladiator who won the duel earlier, so it was finally time for me to pick up my sword again.

The ghosts really didn't effect my strategy this round, but it gave me reaffirmation on jury voting. I found the whole ordeal to be funny. Deb came in and just retold the entire Blake history. Girl, that was so five cycles ago, none of us cared at this point. Clifford came in like Casper the friendly ghost, which was adorable. My gut told me he was going to be an objective vote in the finals, so I felt great. When Blake came barging in, all I could do was laugh. Yes, Blake, keep making fun of me! Make everyone love me more! Each insult he slung at me was more Ethan love for the jury. Mackenzie came back and got some closure, confirming she didn't have the sole power to evict. I was wholeheartedly expecting her to slam me, but she let me off easy. Could I possibly expect a vote from her in the end? Maria's entrance was a highlight, because she was more bitter than a triple IPA. She came in guns blazing, calling me the sneaky snake! You called my bluff Maria, and that's why I had to get you out! Loved her still, and I felt like at the end she would have respected my game and voted for me.

The returning juror curve ball was a weird thing for sure. None of us could outright say we were pissed, but we were all definitely pissed. We had worked so hard to get to that point that the thought of someone like the first evictee Deb coming back was infuriating. One of the secrets to this game? Adaptability. I suddenly had fantasies of having an extra vote to tie up against Room 3, and the idea tickled my curiosity. I felt like at that point, had Mackenzie or Deb came back, we would be able to vote Michael out. I felt like I had a chance to reshape the story in my favor, and act as the decision maker in the endgame. Once Audrey announced there would be no returning jury member, I didn't really care either way. I felt like I still wanted to target Michael, but the best way to do that was to keep Natasha weak.


Nothing sweeter than the face of a blindside.
Finally we made it to the Final 5, and I was happy at this point. Cycle 7 was a prideful time for me, because I knew that this was my time to make my move. Room 3 had made it to this point with Donavan and I, but they were in total disarray. Natasha was on the bottom, it was common knowledge. Kim had played a game of integrity, and keeping Natasha around would discredit that. Michael was annoyed that Natasha kept him in the dark last round. Donavan and I were snickering snitches, because we knew we were about to bamboozle them all.

I knew one of those three were leaving for sure. When Audrey announced it was a double eviction, I was even more excited because I knew that TWO of them were leaving. Ideally Michael and Natasha, leaving me with a Final 3 of myself, Donavan, and Kim. That way, I knew both of them would take me to the end. Unfortunately, Audrey announced that we were going to be doing a gauntlet of competitions at the Final 3, and the first two to finish would be our Final 2. Crap.

I definitely still wanted to make a big move to lock my resume with the jury, that way I could sit next to anyone and win. But I also did not want to have Kim come to the Final 3, because she would definitely lock her Final 2 slot. In my thinking, I could backdoor Michael at Final 5, and then Natasha, Donavan, and myself could axe Kim at Final 3. My ideal Final 2 was always myself and Donavan, because we played mirror games, but if I was sitting there answering questions against him, he would be mince meat. But dwelling on shoulda couldas isn't healthy practice, so let's get back to reality.

First thing we did in Cycle 7 was the classic totem pole competition. In my opinion, this should've been done way sooner on in the season. But for my game, it was a great opportunity to take control of the pecking order. The first two questions Audrey asked were second-nature to me, and I immediately targeted Natasha Natasha. Girl, I want your blood. I want you to be vulnerable. Do I want you out? Not necessarily. Once Donavan finished off Natasha, I knew that I had a solid back-up plan if I wasn't able to pull off my move.

As the competition continued on, Donavan was picked off next, then myself, then it came down to Kim and Michael. I was hoping that Kim would remain safe, because I really didn't want to see her leave quite just yet. I think if Kim was vulnerable, she would've been much more open to voting me out even. Once Michael flubbed the last question and Kim won, I was ecstatic. Then as soon as Audrey let us talk, we got to witness Natasha the martyr throw herself out there, claiming she knows she's leaving tonight (which ended up being factual, just not this cycle) and blah-de-blah-blah-blah. It was like watching a fish flop around in a bucket after being caught. Luckily for her, it was a catch-and-release kind of day.

After her spiel, she and Kim had some alone time. As rooms shifted around, I gave Donavan more confirmation on Final 3. No specific third person, just that I was working with him, not against him. I envisioned myself there with him and Natasha or Kim. I knew that Donavan wanted Michael's blood as much as I did, but we had to wait for the perfect opportunity to get her alone with us. Kim was doing this weird thing this cycle where she would announce, "well, I'm going to Room X, if you want to talk to me come on over." This worked perfectly to my advantage, because Michael took the bait.

The moment Michael left the room, Operation Trojan Horse was finally being executed. I let Natasha know that she wasn't necessarily leaving tonight. Her eyes lit up, and she was excited to finally make a move. I believe she was so desperate to have retribution from the past cycle that I knew she would be the perfect third wheel to Donavan and I. Something that's underrated here was I spoke for Donavan and he let me do it. "Donavan and I are down to vote for Michael." Donavan confirmed my outlandish statement, which was a great move on his part, because I knew then we had a lock. The Three Second blindside was secure, so I had to go join the queen holding court to ensure that she and Michael didn't get suspicious.

Once the vote was announced and Michael exited the game, I appropriately changed my shirt to "Never A Dull Day". This was to stir the pot just a tad bit more, and damn it, at this point I knew I was a lock for the final three. Kim still had to work with me moving forward, because now her back was against the wall. Donavan was happy with me for getting rid of someone who wanted to get rid of him. And Natasha? I gave her life. I made her the Jesus figure who rose from the dead to survive another round. I felt like I just won prom queen, and that I was sitting pretty moving forward.

I built the hype up that we had to get Kim out through the final four competition. It was myself, Donavan, and Natasha vs. Kim. I was mortified when I found out that we were doing a puzzle immunity. As soon as I saw it was a slider puzzle, I knew I was personally screwed. Truth be told though, it didn't really matter who won. Kim and Natasha were fighting to save their own hides, and Donavan and I were just there to enjoy the show. It really wasn't that long of a performance though, as Kim kicked all of our asses, won immunity, and secured her slot in the final three. It wasn't caught on camera, but as soon as Kim won, I was rolling laughing in real life. Kim is a BAD ASS.

Going into the final four, Donavan and I were also on the same page that we would for sure not vote against each other, even if it meant that we would go into a tie. That way, we would be able to draw rocks, and prove our loyalty to each other. As soon as Audrey announced that Kim was immune from rocks, we scrapped that idea pretty quickly. I knew I had to keep the target on Natasha, and to keep Kim on my side at all costs. I love Donavan, and Donavan loves me, but if Kim and Natasha rekindled at all and locked it down, I think Donavan would've folded and voted me out. I don't blame him though. Personally, I would still let it go to a tie. I wanted Natasha gone at this point.

Now back to the strategy and what-have, where the mob boss was pissed that we took out her right-hand man. Kim did the same thing she did last cycle, where she moved to another room and held court. Except this time, she demanded to speak with us all one-by-one, and we were to cycle through. Just to give you all a quick tidbit: NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. It's the closest thing to HoHitis from Big Brother. To the jury and viewers, it makes you seem disconnected, cocky, and of attitude. I had half a mind to disobey the mob boss' request, but it worked out order-wise that I would be speaking with Kim last. There's nothing I wanted more than to get the last word in with her, so I happily obliged.

When I had my one-on-one with her, she was upset and on fire still, but also exhibited a sense of sadness. I couldn't convey that it was my idea to her, but I did mention that I voted against Michael. I wanted to build some trust with Kim, and then I also tested her. I told her that I had no loyalty to Donavan, and that I wanted her and I to vote together, as we were the most deserving to win. Kim was visually struggling with her options, and looked like she wanted to strangle me even. My biggest fear was she would deadlock the vote at Final 4, making Donovan, Natasha, and myself draw rocks. So yeah, I had to kiss her ass a little bit. She finally said that she wanted Natasha gone, because of what she did, she didn't think she deserved to be in the final three. The queen decided who was deserving, that's just funny. I could write an entire post about how no one deserves crap in a game like this, but that's for another day. I was just happy that I was in the final three, with two people I could beat none-the-less.


Officially a loser, but never voted out. Sweet justice.
Going into the final competition, I had already counted the votes in a possible Kim-Ethan and Donavan-Ethan F2 match-up. There were a few people who were locks for me, a few people who were a locks for one of them, and then a lot of people up in the air. I felt like I had Deb, Blake, Maria, Ryan, and Michael for sure. Deb? I took out Blake for her. Blake? He's such an anarchist that the idea of voting for his rival probably arouses him. Maria? She'd cool off enough at this point, and vote based on game play. Ryan? Because the two nights we were in trouble it was me or him, and he'd look past my smugness to respect my journey. Michael? I may have just blind-sided him, but he's a game player who likes big moves. Mackenzie I felt would be a locked vote for Kim or Donavan. Kim, because she was a strong female player. Donavan, because they had loyalty to each other. I felt I had some sway with Mac, being that I did orchestrate her demise, I felt like she would respect me. Natasha was never voting for me, not in a million years. Clifford to me was always a wildcard, so I just expected him to roll a dice and for me to not get his vote. Admittedly, counting the votes the way I did and getting so cocky was the beginning of my demise.

I had decided I was going to go away for the weekend, for two reasons. One, I had just been promoted within my company, so I was excited to celebrate the occasion. Two, when I won Sequester, I wanted it to be while I was visiting Monterey. I thought it would be a nice touch to win the game at the place I love most. Everything was planned to a tee. Every jury response, my opening statements, my closing remarks, and how I was going to present myself. I was going to lay all of my cards on the table, make apologies where needed, but ultimately, own my game. I had played masterfully. I had prepped myself so much that I forgot the most important element: getting to the damn finals.

Before we even began shooting, I asked production if I needed any supplies, since I wouldn't be at my house. All I was told was a deck of cards and plenty of peanut butter. Fantastic. I knew I was building another stupid house of cards, so I began practicing all day. Unfortunately, I was drinking too. At one point, I spilled a glass of beer on the table, which soaked all of the cards. They dried out before showtime, but that definitely played a part later on. I wasn't focused. I was too busy partying and laughing about how I won the game to pay attention at a time when I really needed to. Had I tried looking up Audrey's method before broadcast, I would've been solid. Instead, I was at a bar until fifteen minutes before showtime. Whoops.

Cameras on. Peanut butter on face. Chugging a bunch of water (after chugging a bunch of beer all day). Get out those cards. We were told we were doing the house of cards, the frog jump game, and a puzzle. From a non-biased perspective, we were basically doing competitions that Kim and I had already won. Where did that leave Donavan really? The best way to set himself up as the dark horse to win the game.

As we began the first challenge, I actually had a great start. My house was coming together beautifully. I did the triangle method again that made me win the Cycle 4 immunity, and was having great success. I began to have a very cocky monologue about how my game play was a lot like building a house of cards, and then I think that's when it fell. And then fell again. Again. And again.

Eventually, the cards were bent, because I was angrily biting them and bending them on purpose. The surface was slippery, because I was adamant on shooting at a desk where I had great lighting. I was frustrated, drunk, and hopeless. I realized right then and there that I was going to lose. I did not set myself up for success. If I really wanted to have won, I would've done what I did during Cycle 4. I would've been sober, at my house, building on a carpeted surface, using my brand new deck of cards. But that wasn't my reality. My reality was that I was floundering.

I had to go through all the stages of grief during those three hours. Denial. There's no way I'm not making the finals. I felt like I played such a remarkable game that I for sure deserved to be sitting at the end. Anger. I kept yelling at production, calling this such a stupid way to decide the final two. I said Audrey's way to build the house was stupid (really though, she just googled an image of house of cards). I was infuriated and beyond frustrated. Bargaining. As soon as we reached the end of showtime, I kept reminding production that this was unfair. We should just have a final three. I knew if we had a final three, that I still had a chance to win. I knew the jury would be pissed at my lack of sportsmanship, but my ultimate bargaining chip would've been that I'm so damn good that I even misted production. By the way, there was no way they were barging. Depression. I got really sad. I realized all of my work in this game was going to be for nothing. That mysterious grand prize of money was no longer mine. I played a damn good game, and I needed money badly to move. But then I realized something important. Acceptance. I had just been promoted, and two super fans with great hearts would be sitting in the finals. When I finally accepted I lost, I felt butterflies. Because I knew I would be able to orchestrate one last move in this game: campaign for Donavan to win the first season of Sequester.

Kim is a great player. Working in sales, I can tell you numbers don't lie. Usually I'm all about metrics. Kim won four immunities. She was at the helm of a solid three person alliance. On a deeper level, her game perplexed me. What was Kim's big move? I felt like getting rid of Mackenzie was solid for her, but other than that, she was sitting pretty the whole game. From my perspective as a jury member, I want to vote for someone who has it all: someone who's struggled, strategized, and fought to be in the end. Donavan represented all of that to me.

Truth be told, I think Kim was the true villainess of the season. She was pure evil. That's why we worked well with each other. She thought she had it all figured out, when in actuality she was setting herself up to be a goat. She gave off a certain air of superiority that just did not mesh well with the cast. And I always saw that.

Am I biased towards Donavan because we worked together? Absolutely. But you can't deny that he played a great game. So I shifted my cycle of grief to campaigning for Donavan to win. If I couldn't win this, I wanted Donavan to. I knew the jury was watching me, and that I had a chance to plant a seed of doubt. I don't believe I have that much power to sway the entire jury through one night, but hey, sometimes even I impress myself with how clever I am. I knew Donavan winning would be the closure I needed, and that I would be happy to lose to the prince (and soon-to-be king).

What I love most about my downfall is that it was of my own hand. A lot of players fell due to my scheming, including myself. I was never voted out, which was a great way to exit the game. It's the best what-if to leave on, because had circumstances been different, and the winner of the gauntlet were to choose who they brought to the end, I was being picked by either of them. Sitting against either of them, I win hands down. Things like that give me comfort. I had a great experience. I had a fun rivalry. I was part of a fun alliance. I was confrontational. I orchestrated a fantastic blindside. I guess the only thing left was to secure that Donathan showmance.


At least I got an ice cream date out of it?
Jury questioning on reality TV has always been funny to me. Much like the game, it's very simple. Everyone gets a vote. They don't have to base that vote on anything. You can pull a Greg Buis like Michael did and make them pick a number. You can say you're an open vote, and listen to the finalists lick your ass as if their flattery has substance correlating to their game play. Or you can be like me, where going in, you already know who you're voting for. Is that fair of a jury member to do that? Absolutely, because each jury member is entitled to do whatever they want with their vote. Doesn't free will suck?

I was the perfect third place finisher, because I love getting the last word. As I was watching other jury members grill the finalists, there was a revolution happening. It began with Clifford, begging the question of whether he should vote with his head or his heart. It reminded me a lot of Survivor Samoa, where Erik berated Mick for being delusional, Russell for being an asshole, and then there's Donavan White, who actually might be the most deserving of them all. Clifford sold it well, without even having to really say what he obviously meant.

After that, jury members seemed to be a little less committed to a Kim landslide win. What Clifford began, I had to finish. As soon as my mic started to work, I had to immediately shut Kim down from even trying to speak. She had sunk her ship enough, and I didn't want her to have even a moment to redeem herself. I had to focus on building up Donavan. I mentioned his blindside, and how much I loved working with him in this game. And what better cherry on top than to have him ask me out on a date? No banana splits here, the dark horse Donavan won 7-2, with only Natasha and Maria voting for Kim to win.

Would I change anything I did in this game? The only thing I would have changed would be to focus more when I needed to the most. Socially, I made it to the end, and played it flawlessly. Kim, Donavan, and myself were the only players who were not voted out of this season. We all had our own methods of getting there, and we were all deserving to be the top three.

With cycles happening with more frequency, it's important to remember where everything began. But every season is different. New characters. New twists. I'm excited to see what the new generations bring to the table. I'm proud of my cast, and they were worthy adversaries. At the end of the day, this is all just a game.


  1. You can only trust yourself, but utilize other players' game trajectory.
  2. Audience will always influence this game. Use it to your advantage!
  3. This game only lasts a week -- MAKE EVERY MINUTE COUNT!
I hope sharing my story gave you a strategic takeaway. Just remember you need to play a game that you're proud of. Leave it all on the dance floor. Don't end the game bitter, because there's no point. Give it your all, make memories, and tell people off. Be raw. Be entertaining. And most important: don't be boring.

If you feel like watching the first season of Sequester, all of our cycles are archived on the original site. Best of luck Season 3 hopefuls!

Saving The Nation: True North Prevents Royal Flush

Big Brother Canada 4 (2016)

This marks the fourth season in the baby series, and an instrumental one at that. By this time, Lt. Kass has been engorged with gifts from her Canadian producers; she's provided them with season after season with quality casting. Or so she thought. Unlike its US predecessor, Big Brother Canada has no guarantee of a cult fan base yet. While BBUS will be renewed until my next lineage is able to play, Big Brother Canada is scraping at the bits to get a renewal each season. This is both a blessing and a curse; but it provided us with the best gamble they've done yet: INTERNATIONAL WILD CARDS! Could you imagine if Tim ended up winning the series? Canada would've been so confused. This season brought about a weird sense of Canadian patriotism that parallels our stupid American nationalism, which is great because it's an election year here! Even with a heavy casting twist, we saw some stars in this cast. Especially our heroez, thanks to the producers gas lighting the public into thinking they were the True North's gift to the great Canadian public!

Our winner...

Paq Broz - Heroez

We deserved better as Americans, but the Canadian gods have spoken. I have to commend BBCAN for sticking to their guns and keeping Nick and Phil together. Everyone was expecting some crap where they would be split up, but it was actually great to see them play as a pair from start to finish. Despite being a pair of dumb doofus twenty year olds, they overcame a lot to get to the end: they started this game being called out by Arisa, after lying and pretending to not know each other. I'm shocked that they weren't targeted; I'm even MORE shocked that they tried to nominate themselves on the block during a live show. This pair was a hot mess, but were deserving to be in the finals. The cult fans hate'em, but I think they (Nick) were scrappy enough to be a sensical winner.

Cassandra - Villain

WHAT'S UP BETCHESSSSS! This girl though. She was an absolute delight. From her initial casting reveal to her eviction, she was a wild ride. Her goal was to be an entertaining house guest, and she did just that. What comes to mind when I think of Cass? Double eviction. "CAS YOU PROMISE NOT TO USE THE VETO? YOU PROMISE? "yep!" *wins veto* *USES VETO* "OMG LIAR LIAR CASS IS A LIAR CASS LIAR LIAR" *CASS LAUGHS HER ASS OFF* It was glorious. Obviously, she was the true Joan of Arc of the season. It's unfortunate that the villainess didn't win, because I think we were all feeling a little evil this season.

Christine - Hero

What do you call someone who sleeps through the wedding that is the Big Brother Canada game? A Maid of Dishonor, AKA Christine. What was she even doing? I'm confused. She did manage to win a veto, I do recall that, but how does one play a game and be completely detached from all happenings of the game? This girl did nothing. She had no opinions, she had no goals, no gals, and no purpose. It's fitting that her blurb is literally an ensemble of question marks. Let's consider her to be one of BBCAN history's forgotten heroes, as she probably did something heroic, I just can't seem to remember what it was.

Dallas - Villain

Imagine locking Spencer in a room with GinaMarie for a year. He would open the door and pop out as Dallas. In fact, I still am convinced that this person who calls himself Dallas is just Spencer. Is it a beard thing? Literally this guy just scream-talks. He was a great pre-jury adversary for the majority alliance; it's unfortunate that he wasn't a good enough leader to rally his troops and pinpoint a true target. He seemed more concerned about scratching his balls than coming up with a plan of action. We can thank Dallas for always riling up Maddy and continuing the legacy of no bearded winners of the Big Brother game.

Jared - Hero

We always need someone like a Jared in this game. Someone who is completely oblivious to all the rules, and just makes his own microcosm of absurdity. Recruits tend to come in and have this tribal mentality, which creates great house drama. Jared became the head of the Third Wheel alliance, not through choice, but because Kelsey and Raul both knew that they could use him as a BeaverTail shield. His showmance with Kelsey was shoved down our throats like an overly glazed donut, and made us wash it down with his self-righteous egotism. He played the football star way better than Zach. Why else did everyone bow to his "Kelsey must return!" demands during the return vote? He was a good Captain Canada casting archetype, and I await the day for him to follow Ozzy's post-Survivor footsteps.

Joel - Hero

When I heard Seasons of Love during the BBCAN4 opening, I felt something in my heart. I'm pretty sure it was a lack of oxygen from my heaving: there was some terrible sound flooding my ears. It was like going to a Piano Bar at last call, and listening to a bunch of drunkards attempting to hold a tune. Where he lacked an ear for music, he made up in adorableness. He was Canada's sweetheart. Somehow he got that edit, despite being a flipper, finicky player. He didn't take the game in stride as well as others, but he managed to always position himself in the middle, which is a cozy spot to coast in. Unfortunately, when you have no enemies, that makes you the default vote-out at endgame. Who wants to bring Canada's darling to the finals? I hope to never run into you at a karaoke bar Joel.

Kelsey - Villain

GODDESS. QUEEN. SLAYING ALL YOUR FAVES. OH yes, this is Kelsey Faith, the girl who was voted out for being intolerable, came back to reunite with her popular clique Third Wheel alliance, and managed to survive to the final two. Had Kelsey won the season, she would've experienced every facet of the Big Brother game. She was the dream recruit: had no clue how the game was supposed to be played, was petty, came off as a martyr, and then left the house in ducky glory. Then guess what? She dun got stuck in a sequester room with her nemesis Loveita. HILARIOUS. When she came back in, she spearheaded the overthrow of Mitch, then managed to position herself as the Hillary Clinton of the house: you don't like her, but you're just kind of stuck with her because keeping Maddy one more damn day is inexcusable. She had a case of Liz Nolanitis though, where she got to the finals with no way to articulate her accomplishments. Thanks for defeating fan favorites Cassandra and Tim!

Loveita - Hero

What kind of evil show has a water-based competition when they know one of their contestants is donning a beautiful weave? Coming into the game as an entrepreneur and CEO is a challenge, because you can't conduct the game like business. You need to discern sales versus people, and Loveita failed to see that. When you try to min-max people, and force an agenda, you're gonna collapse the souffle. But in all her bull-in-a-china-shop glory, Loveita fought through the first five evictions, giving herself a chance to come back into the game. Unfortunately for her, no one wanted to be an advocate for her. When it came down to it, the popular kids won, and Kelsey returned to the game. Loveita had some thing special about her though. Something tells me this isn't the last we've seen of her Big Brother Canada legacy.

Maddy - Villain

I feel like we all had a friend like Maddy in college. Always angry, talking about how pissed off she is, trying to "chill like one of the guys," but also screaming when no one treats her like a princess. It's a baffling IN YOUR FACE complex that few people know how to tolerate. She found her beta in Ramsey though, and managed to wrestle him into a showmance with her, despite the whole him having a girlfriend thing standing in the way. Game-play wise? TERRIBLE. She targeted Loveita because she thought she might be a threat later. She was completely oblivious to the numbers aspect of the game. But that's okay! She was the best player! DON'T SCREAM AT ME MADDY.

Mitch - Villain

Damn girl, you dun got Topaz'd. Your whole under-the-radar game was put on the Loveita Faith Big Screen. Could you imagine how bored those two were? All they could do all day was complain how great of a game Mitch was playing. I think Mitch would've had a much better game, had Heartbreaker Kelsey Faith not returned to the game. He was screwed as soon as someone had a birds eye view of his social web weaving. Were there things he could've done to alleviate the damage? Probably win a comp. But it was fun to watch him blow things up and stir the cauldron on his way out the door. You taught me something though, Mitch. You taught me that some "social media moguls," aren't absolute trash. You had a good head on your shoulders, and I loved watching to play Farmer Mitch and plant psycho seeds into everyone's head. Even in the jury house. Can't wait to see this doll play again some day!

Nikki - Hero

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN? You could really fuck up a season by stunt casting, or you could bring on Nikki Grahame. Like Janelle, her legacy speaks for itself, but let's see what Nikki brought us this season. Who could ever forget the night ROWL drank her vodka! She lead the charge against the Third Wheel alliance with that little event. Another great Nikki play? When Maddy confronted her about her vote when Dallas was evicted. This little angel knew how to play the social game flawlessly. Having BBUK under her belt, she was the most cognizant of a very important player in the Big Brother Canada game: THE AUDIENCE. It almost netted her a HoH, and she would've got away with it if it weren't for those bloody Paq brothers! Nikki may not have been a comp beast, but she definitely left her mark as a strong Western Hemisphere Big Brother player. Thanks for visiting our side of the world Nikki, and welcome to the Big Brother family.

Paige - Hero

When I saw this Barbie doll trapping foxes in her intro video, I thought she would be a breakout star. Unfortunately, she fell victim to the typical ageism that comes along with Big Brother: "Oh, you're not in your mid-twenties? BYE." She didn't really have a chance to make an impression on feedsters, as her eviction happened before we even had a chance to get to know her. Loveita missed an opportunity to have a loyal snow bunny in her army, which is quite unfortunate because post-show it seems like they've really hit it off. You get to join the likes of other Big Brother shoulda-coulda-wouldas, Paige. Take a seat right next to Risha.

Ramsey - Hero

His story will unfortunately be tied with tragedy, but I think it's an endearing wrap-up to his experience. Like the other recruit kids, Ramsey came into the game not knowing what was going on. He managed to integrate himself socially without a hitch. He made the mistake of attaching himself to the evil queen though, which really put a damper on his image. That, and the whole infidelity on TV thing. But his family emergency made him drop his game early, right after he won a crucial veto at-that. I think it was sweet that BBCAN let him put the key in for Canada's vote. But that's all he is to me, a poster child of tragedy. Not necessarily a great player, but will definitely be memorable.

Raul - Villain

And then there's Raul. The guy that keeps telling the same unfunny jokes, and then laughing at them himself. The "hottest guy at the party," even though his makeup is running and he spilled ice cream on his hairy chest. During the Mitch and Raul jury segment, something tells me Raul imagined himself to be like Kasumi from Dead or Alive Volleyball, but in actuality his doppelganger was more aligned with Blanka from Street Fighter. Let's talk strategy though. What did Raul do? Oh right, he evicted someone who would never go after him.

Sharry - Hero

The hot chick of the season. She stumbled into the game because her girlfriend told her she would be good at it. That reminds me a lot when people tell me other people have told them they would be good at sales. Wow, I'm really sold. Unfortunately, Sharry wasn't able to close anything. She came across as an intangible player, who was intimidating because she was just so glowingly confident. Not necessarily confident about game knowledge, but Sharry knew who she was, what she was about, and where she would take her crew. Unfortunately it fell upon deaf ears, because she aligned herself with livin' Loveita loca and was ostracized right out the gate.

Tim - Hero

We got a real treat when we were awarded with Tim over Jase. Seriously. Comparing Jase to Tim was like Mr. Rodgers to a peg legged carnie. Tim was a character, and knew what sort of spectacle he was putting out there. I loved his spats with Nikki and Cassandra, as well as his willingness to communicate with the Maddy group and Third Wheel alliances. He came in as a winner and managed to go unscathed all the way to the Final 3. Had he decided to give a damn and win that competition, he would've been the first Big Brother contestant to win two different series in different countries. The thing with Tim though is he doesn't really give a damn about the glory of winning. He's like Loki. He just wants to  create as much chaos as possible, and snicker while strolling amongst the wake of destruction. Thanks for your service to Canada, Timothy.

Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh?

Big Brother Canada (2013)

Since we're on the crux of the Big Brother Canada 4 premiere, let's take a look back at where it all began. Do you remember when they made Grease 2, and it was absolutely awful? Big Brother Canada is nothing like that. It's more like taking really good fan-fiction and making it into a real thing. BBC was shaped after BBUS, except it keeps it entertaining for the house guests through tasks. Remember VH1 BB9 that aired in Spring 2008? Well, BBCAN aired Spring 2013, but didn't have the orgy-complex that BB9 beckoned. This is the first season where a jury member returned to the game, and would've won if his bestie had actually voted for the correct contestant. NO, NO, NO, ARISA! Instead, we saw the rise of a sexy school teacher all star, and how she conquered the game through a faulty finale vote.

Our winner is...
Jillian - Hero
First thing that comes to mind with Jillian is she's a walking statistic. Winner of the original Big Brother Canada, first (and only) Big Brother Canada contestant to win HoH 4 times in one season, part of the most notable showmance in Big Brother Canada history, and also she's got a hilarious laugh. In addition to being known as the woman of firsts, she was also the queen of bamboozling. She dismantled and humiliated The Sheyld. She ensured that they will forever be known as a lackluster alliance that was crushed by a showmance. She was also a folly to the producers, who were so thirsty for a Gary win that they brought him back at the Final 5?! Luckily Topaz was too busy getting some SheylD to pay attention to the rules, so we got our deserving Jillian win. Expect to see her back for All Stars.

Alec - Villain

What's most important to highlight with this chick is that she's the queen Wannabe. Spice Girls can't hold a candle to this drama queen. Alec idolized none other than Dr. Will Kirby. The thing about being a groupie is that you ensure yourself to always be a lesser. It's unfortunate because he had a lot of potential; he seems like an intelligent guy. But the issue with Alec was that he fell into every trope: egomaniac, showmance, bro, bitter jury member, BRAH, post-show straw grasping.. You name it, he did it. The only reason they'll bring Alec back to the series will be if they get rid of the laundry machines and make people do laundry by hand again, 'cause he's got them washboard abs if you know what I mean.

Andrew - Hero

Count Dracula, victim of the double final four twist. Another victim to the Gary machine. This guy did everything right! He was part of the East Coast powerhouse that paved the way to the end, but fell short when Emmett realized that Andrew was his biggest competition. Andrew set himself up to be the "better than them" final two option. Hell, his goal was to get to the end with Talla, which would've been a streamroll. He was great at comps, he was a great narrator, and provided us with the sweetest moment of the season: the freeze challenge where his twin came in and hugged him.

Aneal - Villain

It takes a lot of gall to try to frame someone, and that's why I like Aneal. His set up of Gary was almost perfect, but should've been done at a more opportune time. He was a bit shady in his demeanor, which makes him a great early game villain. Jillian had set up a faux-friendship with him, kept him close, and then promptly executed him when given the cue from her alliance. Aneal showed us that no matter how comfortable you feel in the game and you should always be aware of people backstabbing you.

AJ - Hero

The first instant eviction victim of the series, AJ gave us a whirl into absurdity at its finest. He was a man of many words, usually in third person in reference to AJ's self. AJ always made sure to mention what AJ was doing and what AJ wanted. AJ was the first member of the jury, and made sure to relish his juryship perks. Should AJ have left when he did? Nope. But AJ fell victim to loyalty, and AJ was the lesser choice of the two at the time.

Danielle - Hero

She was loud, brash, young, and ig'nit, and willing to scream her opinion out loud. My favorite part about Danielle was that she was a rootable trainwreck. She was a walking 20-year old cliche, and wanted it all. She managed to make friends with the outcasts, aka Glitter Gary, and found herself in the crosshairs. It was easy pickins to target her, but she made a good second boot story arc.

Topaz - Villain

She went from a sleepy forgettable to a legend all in one buffoon-like move: misvoting the winner of Big Brother Canada. Topaz began the game as a wildcard of sorts, being in the Secret Wedding alliance with Gary, as well as a showmance with Alec. She had positioned herself on both sides of the house, she was coasting good. Her biggest mistake (well, while in the game) was giving up the endurance HOH to Jillian. Had she won that week, the end of the game would've been completely different. I think it's sad too that during her eviction that Peter could've easily saved her, but chose to let her be evicted. I think Topaz has a great chance to come back now; she's made herself into an international Big Brother icon.. even if it is in regards to the biggest fuck up in Big Brother history.

Emmett - Villain

Basically what Alec tried to be. He was the mastermind of the season, and showed us true puppeteering. Emmett had positioned himself at the helm of all decision making, all while maintaining a very blood-free game. Had he chosen Talla over Gary going into the Final 3, I have a strong knack that he would've won the entire game. But fretting over shoulda coulda woulda's is pointless. I heard this guy went on Big Brother Africa and stirred some shit up, I need to go check it out still.

Gary - Hero

Ew. EW. WHY. He's the original Ariana Grande Brother archetype: overtly loud attention whore seeking to solely further his career. I don't understand the practicality, but I do understand the purpose. Gary may have stolen the heart of Canada, but I am not impressed. I appreciated his meltdowns, but his diva attitude was tired and tried. The fact that he was given a free pass to Final 5 is laughable, and really deserving that he still ended up losing anyways. If someone could show me some decent Gary gameplay.. actually, you know what, just send it straight to the trash instead.

Kat - Hero

The first evictee of Big Brother Canada! Poor Kat. She really didn't do anything aside from not understanding crazy recruit Suzette's crazy. From what was shown on the feeds and live show, she was a game player first and foremost. She had positioned herself to be a power player, but unfortunately that's not the best thing to do within the first week. She was an easy scapegoat for an uberly confuzzled Suzette.

Liza - Villain

The black widow of the house. The female hustluh. She's gotten a lot of flack from the community after her game, but I find her to be hilarious. I think her fault was not being able to properly balance her affections and her gameplay, which is unfortunate because she has a good head on her shoulders. She was the easy-out during the double eviction, and had zero chance of redemption. When the house calls you a poison, it's very hard to earn reputation back without any power. Did anyone catch her crusade against Aaryn after BB15? It almost earned her the title hero, but like I said, poison is hard to antidote.

Peter - Villain

GROSS. NO. I hate Peter. I guess you love him, hate him, or love to hate him. He's truly polarizing. I think it's really just the voice. How does someone speak like that? And have the appetite of a 6 year old? His ego really knew no bounds. He was even worse than Alec in loving himself, and his charade he was putting on. Self-entitlement is a serious ailment, and I strongly suggest Peter gets a reality check. His after-show gig he's got going does more hurt than help. What's the point of playing the jackass? You can't comment on how to play a show when you placed fifth due to BAD GAME PLAY. I hope he plays again and is evicted first. Girl, bye.

Suzette - Hero

HEYYYYYY BOIZZZZZ. Suzette makes me love recruits. How do people like Suzette exist? She's so off-the-wall.. it's just an astounding display. I loved watching herself dig a hole, she really didn't know what she was doing. Picking up that phone at the start cemented her fate. Unless you know how to play that first HOH strategically, you're just making yourself enemies. There's nothing better for the show though. We love watching train wrecks like Suzette. Hell, she should've been a wildcard over Veronica. The fact that Canada voted her clemency (which got a game player, ANEAL, out) is HILARIOUS.

Talla - Hero

No one in Big Brother NA history can hold a candle to Talla's craziness. Talla was a diva, but she was likable. She didn't have gameplay, but she was likable. She didn't win any competitions, but she was likable. I don't think she stood a chance to win, but she played a great setting-up-for-All-Stars game. She was entertaining, sweet, and full of life. AND SO AGGRO. 9-1-9-1-9 I think Dan called her best when he referred to her as a 4-foot tall wind-up doll. Talla was a trip from start to finish. Her Twitter bio too gives me life. Final Four TWICE! I used that line for my OkCupid account. Moved to the Beach TWICE! I can't wait to see her on my screen again.

Tom - Hero

Last and certainly not least, the first big-time villain of the series. Everyone wanted Tom to fail. It's unfortunate, but he played his role well. When you come into the game with a slight aversion to a group of people *cough*homophobe*cough* it makes it hard for the audience to take you as a rootable player. He set himself up pretty well for the first few weeks though as a power player. Unfortunately, making yourself a public enemy is a risk. By villainizing Suzette, he created himself an even bigger target. And Suzette wasn't a fool too: she smeared his name every chance she got, even if her claims were self-serving and stupid. The viewers, including myself, ate that crap up. Tom's Kingdom finally fell halfway through the game.

Great Expectations (or Lack Thereof)

Big Brother 17 (2015)

It's twenty minutes to nine, and we're all bored to tears. Unlike the novel Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, I don't think this will go down as the best season in the show's history. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of this season is the complete and total lack of game ownership. We had muppet girl crying over everything she did, floaters with no backbone, and a majority alliance who was truly oblivious and easy to manipulate. Like previous seasons, we saw the hardcore gamers vacate the house in the early weeks (aside from Jeff of course). Instead, we saw the Miss Vanessa Havisham herself create a powerful spiderweb alliance amongst the showmances (Clelli, Austwins) and nomances (James/Meg, Jmac/Steve), placing her as the necessary evil to their endgame plans. I will admit this season is the best this show's seen in years, but it really fell short at finale. However, I was ecstatic to see producers quietly remove unnecessary twists such as Battle of the Boring Block and the takeovers, allowing a very organic game take place. But guess what happens when we have an organic game take place? We get a winner like STEEEEEEEEEVEE-UH!

Our winner...

Steve - Hero

Comparing Steve Mosses to Ian Terry is like comparing a tricycle to a Harley-Davidson. Yes, they both underwent coming of age storylines. Yes, they were outcast nerdy types. But at the end of the day, Steve whined for his mommy for 90 days and picked his nose to half a million dollars. Ian remained strong throughout his Big Brother stay, and maintained a much more mature demeanor. Back to Mosses though, I can commend him for making the right decision. He was truly alone in his gameplay, and always chose the moral high ground. His victory was determined by an A/B quiz during the Part 3 HOH. Kudos for taking Liz, and for making a move against the Austwins in the game. Your eviction of Jackie is not to be praised though, because it wasn't your move, and you had a complete and total mental breakdown afterwards. And who the hell doesn't like champagne?

Audrey - Villain

I have a blanket with your name on it. You were my pre-season pick, which made it hard to watch you crash and burn so early. I think you made too big of a target on yourself by overgaming in the earlier weeks, but you certainly gave feedsters the time of their lives. Anyone who manages to get multiple house meetings called on them deserves an honorary villain badge. Audrey suffered the classic "girl who cried wolf" reputation, where no matter what she says, it will be seen as false. Once you burn your bridges of trust in the Big Brother game, you need to win HoH or Veto to establish some power again. Unfortunately, she couldn't hit the mark, and then had a mental breakdown. But it's okay, you left a fun legacy, and you've paved the way for future transgender housemates with your beautiful poise and class.

Austin - Villain

He must be living in his own imaginarium, because he's completely oblivious as to how unbearable he truly is. We had high expectations of the theatrical Judas-man, but much like Da'Vonne pointed out at finale, "so you were basically Austin wearing a hat? YEAH? OKAY." Yep. Nothing worse than someone who's all talk, no action. Aside from not washing his hands and seeking to be a fame whore, Austin showed us that it still is possible to be a bitter betty in a game that's almost two decades old. I think Zingbot got him good enough about his girlfriend, but I feel like this bio is missing something; I just can't quite put my finger on it.

Becky - Hero

Well well well if it isn't Ms. Tinder Trick herself? Basic Becky from Colorado flows so nicely. She reminds me a lot of my friend who lives in Utah. Must be a US central thing. I digress; Becky was a slow build. She started out as a low-key housemate, then really flourished during her second HOH reign. She was the only houseguest to not only call Vanessa out on her BS, but try to actually get that puppeteer evicted. Becky was a recruit ahead of her time, being able to seamlessly differentiate game and personal ego. When her plan to get Vanessa evicted failed, she just swallowed her humble pie and realized that she messed up. I think I'm going to love Becky the most post-game, even if her taste in past house mates is more basic than her.

Clay - Hero

You could say he fell on his sword, but that's a phrase of honor. Clay was a disappointment this summer. Not only did he get in a showmance with the puma, he basically laid in bed and then just worked out the whole time. He was a step below Jeff in being the most typical straight guy boringness. Anyone who admits that they're censoring themselves/filtering their true personality because they're on camera SUCKS. You're cast on this show to show the best and worst facets of your personality. So not only did he cheat us out on that, he then volunteered to be evicted over Shelli. It was a heroic act indeed, but these two only had known each other for about a month. It would've meant something had it been in jury, but wow, what a moron. I will thank Clay for being in his underwear a lot, because at least he was decent eye candy.

Da'Vonne - Villain

What do you call someone who was evicted week 2 yet still had more DR's than someone who made F6? A diary room queen. Dae managed to make a huge impression on the house in the short time she was there. I loved seeing her hug someone, look at the camera over their shoulder and roll her eyes, then call them a fake ass bitch as soon as they leave the room. YES. OWN IT. That's exactly how you should play the game. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a balance of chill to her hot potato personality. She was targeted early on because who knows. I would've kept her because she was always going to stir the pot and make a bunch of drama, keep it off the low-key folk ya know? I could see her coming back one more time in the future; it's rare for someone pre-jury to make such a big impression.

Jace - Villain

RIP Jace Wall Picture July 2015. He was a sk8r boi and we said see ya later boy. Yep. I don't know what to say about Jace. He was such a non-existent character. Maybe it was cause he was removed from the wall. All I can remember was him and Austin trying to make Shell Town week 1 while I screamed at my TV. And then he also tried to strong-arm Steve into "not being a little bitch." I think he's just a strong-minded, SoCal bro man who couldn't roll with all the different personalities of America. I think what we really need a California boy that's not cast from Venice Beach. *cough*David*cough*Hayden*cough*

Jackie - Hero

I just don't see it. I don't see the appeal to Jackie. She was on vacation this summer, that's all I saw. When I asked my mom what she thought about the house guests this summer she said that Jackie "obviously wants to be a movie star." We had a good laugh about that, because who the hell thinks that being on two reality shows makes you a star? I will say that Jackie was on the right side of the house in terms of being with totally awesome company. Dark Moon and the Goblins were everything this summer. Unfortunately, the lack of wins and no strategy made her a lamb to the slaughter. She had an opportunity during her HOH to make a statement, but she chose to submit to Sixth Sense. By the way, if I see her on Survivor I will literally throw a brick at my screen.

James - Hero

Captain Camo was so fun, he really was a throwback to watch. In that sense, I mean that he was there to have a good time, much like the old school days of BB. He broke the everyday monotony by pulling his infamous pranks. I'm so glad he targeted the twins the most as well, 'cause their reactions were hilarious. James was a great character, and totally deserving of America's player. His dynamism with Grandma Meg, jokingly cheering her on every comp knowing she'd fail, was hilarious. Was he a strategic mastermind? Nope. He messed up so many times. But he was humble, and a good example for his kid at home. I think we might see him hop out of the Big Brother closet in a future All Star season, so be on the look out for CAPTAIN CAMO!

Jason - Villain

Give him a cigarette and a coffee table to kick his pink socks on, 'cause this New England kid has got some tea to spill. Jason was such a breathe of fresh air, 'cause he was witty but self-aware. But then again, the damn kid lives in a basement so he's used to being grounded. I loved watching him weave through the house's social structure. The problem Jason had was he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. Although I loved hearing his accent (it reminds me a lot of Fran Drescher's mom from The Nanny) he couldn't stop talking about EVERYTHING. He talked about his alliances openly, talked about the twins, talked about how he's seen every season of Big Brother. He basically talked his way straight to the block and out the door. I was so happy to see him on the top of America's Favorite vote, especially since he was pre-jury. Like Steve, this was Jason's dream too, and being a top contender for America's Favorite Player is a badge he should wear proudly.

Jeff - Villain

It's Big Brother tradition that every contestant named Jeff is horribly disconnected and annoying as hell to feedsters, and I'm glad that Jeff continued that namesake this season. Jeff talking about being a reality star is like me saying I invented rainfall from pissing in a toilet. I think Jeff's biggest problem was he couldn't find a way to shove his ego up his ass for one minute to realize his placing in the house. Vanessa called his bluff and got his ass out early, thank the lords. He didn't do backyard interviews because of work commitments? Ok. Jeff, you suck worse than the other Jeff.

John - Hero

JOHNNY MAC! JMAC! The ultimate troll. He reminds me a lot of Jen Johnson, but he was completely self-aware of his antics. Being a closet superfan is such a hard game to play, but definitely a smart choice. If Vanessa admits she could never get a good read on him, he was playing a phenomenal game. But let's call a spade a spade: the dentist was a floater. He never had a solid alliance, no set allegiance to anything. The segment romanticizing his friendship with Steve was a ruse, 'cause John was ready to slit his throat at anytime. I loved that Jmac aligned with Vanessa after gunning for her for so long. Johnny also joins Ms. Amy Crews in making Final 4 after returning to the house. Jmac was widely popular, and I think that's because he wasn't trying to suck America's ass by being something he's not. He was just himself, and called people out as he saw them.

Julia - Hero

This was the good twin! Julia deserves all the props, because for the five weeks of the game she had no identity. She was playing as her sister, Liz, and had to pretend to be her. It only lasted two weeks though, 'cause Dae called out Cruella super quick. Julia was fiercely loyal to her sister, but really should've stood her own two feet as well. She never had a stand-out moment of being like, "oh, look Julia!" Her best moment was her calling out Austin as disgusting. Her worst moment was being manipulated by Vanessa during the Bowlerina veto. It's unfortunate that'll be her claim-to-fame in Big Brother history. What feedsters will remember her as though will be the fun twin who was always starting fun conversations, making hilarious reaction faces, and trying to take care of her sister to the bitter end. Unlike Clay, Julia's sacrifice was admirable, because she truly thought Liz had a better shot to win than her. Kudos to you Julia!

Liz - Villain

LIZZZZZZZZZ-UH! The evil twin! Liz was a little devil in the house, wasn't she? But I loved the devil she was. She had a good streak going into jury, winning competitions and setting herself up as the head of the Austwins alliance. Liz has such a tragic Big Brother story though, from being in a showmance with a disgusting ogre to making it all the way to the Final 2 without EVER THINKING ABOUT MAKING A LIST OF FINAL PLEA POINTS?! How the hell did you graduate a reputable college, yet you can't articulate one damn good point about your gameplay? Her finale performance was arguably WORSE than Gina Marie's. I was so disappointed. Liz should've hired me as her PR agent to prepare her jury statements. Liz really stood at chance at winning, she just failed to grasp the necessary charisma needed to win the game.

Meg - Hero

GRANDMAAAA! Okay, so Meg gets a lot of flak for not being a competitor, but she was a great house guest this summer. And to dispel the label, Meg was NOT a floater. She was loyal to Dark Moon and James, and never flipped. She was no strategist, but she was a great personality. Her competition prowess (..or lack thereof) provided us with comedic relief. My favorite stands of when James was cheering her on during the slippery HOH. And who could forget her OTEV faceplant? Had Meg aligned with someone more strategically sound, she could've been the best F2 goat this game's ever seen.

Shelli - Hero

Who the hell gets a HOH letter from their dog? The reactions to that letter gave me life. And Shelli was totally into it too. Like are you kidding me? But guess what people? That's what happens when you win so much. Shelli won so many HOHs that producers RAN OUT, so they just sent the intern to go type up a letter from her dog. Shelli was fun to watch, and had potential to make it all the way. Unfortunately, she was an emotional player. As soon as Clay left, she was a mess, and held unnecessary grudges. She would've survived the week she was evicted had she not alienated James. I would've loved to see Shelli win the returning juror competition, but that's nothing but a distant dream now.

Vanessa - Villain

Night one, the feeds turn on, and Vanessa's crying. It was a fricken omen people. But let's give praise to her, she was the true star of the season. I think it's safe to say that Vanessa was perfectly polarizing. She was the perfect Big Brother player, because she was so imperfect. She was a strategist through-and-through, and even when she had an emotional-lapse, she could figure out a way to justify an emotional-based decision. That's what the game's all about. In essence, you can target whoever you want when you're controlling all the pieces. Vanessa's journey in the house was great, and I'm certain it'll be even more fun during a second watch. Jason called her out for what we were all thinking though: she never owned her game. Had she owned her game in the DR more, she would've been a fan favorite. It goes without saying though that we WILL see Vanessa again. And I can't wait.